it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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