I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
