He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
