i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
