Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
