you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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