Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
