TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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