he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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