I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
