D3 body, D1 cock
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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