You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
