who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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