Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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