We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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