I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
