Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
