Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
