Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
