Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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