Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
