I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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