is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
