she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
