i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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