dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
