Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We are all done wearing pants today
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
