an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
a search helicopter?!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
