so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
