She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
