My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
