using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
