he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize