my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
