I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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