It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
