I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
