I'm pants shitting drunk right now
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
