Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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