id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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