so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You ruined the universe
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
