whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize