He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
