we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
