is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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