i think my tv is drunk
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
