Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
