Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
