I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
