Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize