I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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