This is not my ceiling
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
