i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
