you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
