I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
