I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
