Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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