so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
