He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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