do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
