forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
