I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
