i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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