I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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