I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
