i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
