We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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