I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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