Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
