if you like me you must not know who I am
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
