I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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