I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
