Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
