Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
