just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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