I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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