4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Boobs are out for the taking
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
