Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
