I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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