My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
