I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize