Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
