I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
