3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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