My boss' voice literally gives me gas
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There r osticjed everywhere
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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