xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm bleeding and have questions
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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