I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
