jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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