matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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