Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize