dude i'm inner monologue high
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
