Sponge bath it is.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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