drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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