Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
