Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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