We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
