youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
being pregnant is like rehab
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
