so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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