Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
if only i could text you this smell
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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