I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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