Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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