I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
