Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
they need to just BURY HIM!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize